embrace :: love yourself when others don’t

Life is too short not to be loved well. Life is too short not to be loved fully.

People are fickle. And we are all imperfect. There will be times that those you care for will choose to let you go. Not only lovers, but perhaps friends, employers…maybe even family. There’s not much you can do about it. It’s their choice.

But you have a choice too. You can choose to dwell on the rejection, wondering why you weren’t quite enough, wishing you had done something or been someone different. Or, you can choose to move on. Kick ‘em to the curb…in the nicest way possible. 🙂 You don’t need people in your life who don’t want you.

It’s worth taking a moment aside to point out that this is not an invitation to embrace bitterness or sever ties in response to hurt feelings. Harmony, unity, and peace are so important and should be sought whenever possible. This is about making a healthy (and conscious) decision to take rejection for what it is–not an indicator of your worth, value, or capacity to be loved–and embrace yourself anyway.

It’s just not worth it to wonder, “what if,” or think, “I wish,” when the reality is “not now”. Maybe not ever.  Your time and emotional energy are better spent learning, growing, and hoping for the future.

You always hear people say that it’s better to be by yourself than with someone who doesn’t really love you. I know I’ve always known that in my head. Feeling it in your heart is something else.

I distinctly remember driving home from work one Friday last year, exiting the freeway and heading up the hill towards my house. I must have been contemplating things and my last ended dating escapade. I don’t remember now. What I do remember is nearing the stoplight and feeling, in the depth of myself, how much happier I was single and spending the evening at home with a Netlifx movie than in a relationship in which I did not feel cared for.

Part of me almost felt guilty, as if I should not be walking away from my friend Heartbreak so soon. It was true I was still sad that things had ended the way they did, but in my heart of hearts, I knew I was better off. I felt it.

When you don’t feel loved by others, remember who you are and what you’re worth. Remember that you will never be able be everything to everyone. Nor can anyone be everything for you. Remember that anyone who doesn’t care for you exactly as you are, flaws and all, is not someone you need to cling to. Remember that pain is temporary. Remember to surround yourself with people who build you up, encourage you, and believe in you.

Remember to love yourself.

Read More

New to the Love Yourself series? Catch up on what you’ve missed here.

Check out this post on self-respect over at BlogHer.


About Stephanie Carbajal

Creative freelancer living, working, and playing in the Pacific Northwest.
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8 Responses to embrace :: love yourself when others don’t

  1. Danica says:

    thanks for this great and inspiring post… It really hit home a lot of what God has been saying to me lately.

  2. Lindsey H. says:

    You are beautiful, my friend! I love how I can see your heart poured out in this post 🙂 Love and prayers for you!

  3. Hope says:

    Stephanie, thanks for choosing to share this journey with the people who read your blog. I am so blessed to know you, this post really means a lot to me. It’s so hard to love yourself when you feel that others don’t, but this is so encouraging.

    • Hope, thanks for your sweet comment! I feel very passionate about this…it breaks my heart to see people (mostly women) staying in relationships where they don’t feel loved because they’re scared to be alone.

  4. Shary Hauber says:

    Sometimes with an abusive childhood it takes a life time to learn that a person really does have value and is love by God always, often by our friends who love us just the way we are, and hopefully by our selves. Thanks for a good reminder.

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